Hello. Writing this letter has been the most difficult thing we have had to do since we wrote our wedding vows. That's because this letter carries just as much importance as our vows to each other. We have started it in a hundred different ways and scrapped each one. It is incredibly difficult to write to somebody that you don't know in the hopes that they will see how much love we have not only for each other but for a future child.
We have tried to put ourselves in your situation, to imagine what you might be going through. The honest truth is that we can't. But what we do know is that if you should choose us to parent your child, that we will be entrusted to care for a piece of your heart forever. That isn't a commitment that we take lightly. It is this commitment that has led us to pursue open adoption. We hope to build a relationship built on mutual respect and love for our child.
From the time that we met, we knew that being a family was a dream for us. Megan has always wanted to be a mother. Lance has always wanted to give a child a happy home. Together we worked to build a future that would ensure a stable environment for our child.
Two years into dating, Lance was given the opportunity to take a new position with a great company. Despite it requiring us to move, we didn’t hesitate to say yes because it meant being closer to members of both of our families. Lance’s new job also meant that we would be in a position for Megan to do what she has always dreamed of, to be a stay at home mom. We bought the perfect home in a great suburban neighborhood within walking distance of fantastic schools. We married in a beautiful ceremony and couldn't wait to one day show our children the pictures from the day that their mom and dad became a family.
You can imagine our devastation when we found out that Megan was unable to conceive. We did not have a long infertility journey. But it wasn't any less painful than if we had been trying for years to conceive.
Why Do We Want to Adopt?
Infertility brought us here. It was the painful catalyst towards this decision. But we could've made other choices. We could have decided not to have children. We would've been able to travel more, go to dinner whenever we wanted, and definitely sleep more.
We evaluated the reasons we wanted to be parents in the first place. We want to be a home and a family where laughter and joy are the soundtrack of life. Where tickling and bed time stories and cartoons filled the space. Where summer days mean baseball games in the front yard. Where the thrill of taking the training wheels off a bike is a celebration. Where band aids are put on nonexistent booboos and hugs heal. And biology has nothing to do with that.
We don't want to adopt just to add a baby to our family. We want to be a family for a child who will never have to doubt that they are the most important person in their parents' world.
I’m sure you're wondering about us. What makes us US?
As a couple we are sarcastic. Lance makes terrible jokes and Megan still laughs at them. Megan teases Lance relentlessly. We joke around a lot and are generally pretty silly. We openly communicate when we have a disagreement. We put constant work into our commitment to love each other in good and in bad.
Our shared interests are what help us to create the memories that bond us. During the summer our lives are full of weekends at the lake on the boat, cookouts with friends and family and outdoor concerts. Winter means basketball season and we are serious about our love for the Jayhawks. If we aren’t at the game, then you can bet we’re watching it. We work on home projects together with true teamwork. We truly love being with each other. While we enjoy spending time with family and friends, our favorite place to be is at home with each other and our 3 dogs. In fact, Lance proposed at home on Christmas Eve, while Megan was wearing flannel pajamas. That may describe us best, we are low key and casual.
Because we value health and nutrition, most of our meals are made from scratch and you won't find a lot of processed foods in our house. Sundays are where we really shine though! Every Sunday morning we cook a big brunch. And Sunday night meals are the kind you spend all day making, like lasagna, roasted chicken, and Lance's famous chilli (it's seriously so darn good!). Megan can't wait to have a little helper in the kitchen, licking the bowl after making a batch of brownies.
About Lance (as written by Megan)
I fell in love with Lance for many reasons. One of the first things I can remember loving about him was how respectful he was to me and to anyone he meets. He is the type to hold doors and pull out chairs. As we grew to know each other I saw how much he values family. Lance has a close relationship with his brother and sister, as well as his parents. But his relationship with his grandparents is what really showed me that he was the man I wanted to marry. Lance spoke to his grandparents often and was at their house as many times a year as he could be. He showed gratitude for the summers he spent with them at their house and going on vacations. They were a huge influence on his life and the way he treats others. Lance’s grandfather passed away recently and he advocated for his grandmother to be moved to a nursing facility closer to us and other family members. He goes to visit her two to three times a week and treats her with such care and respect. I love watching Lance with his grandmother. He is so gentle and loving towards her.
Lance is a construction superintendent and I am in constant awe of his work ethic. He has an amazing talent and I love being able to watch a blank space become something amazing that my husband built. He takes a great deal of pride in his work but is able to keep a wonderful work/life balance.
He is also a lot of fun. Lance can make friends wherever he goes because he has a bright, funny and engaging personality. I am lucky to say that all of my friends and family agree with me.
When Lance is with children, he lights up. When he talks about being a father he talks about building pillow forts, going camping and making smores over a fire, and teaching his child how to fish. He wants to create a childhood full of happy memories.
About Megan (as written by Lance)
Megan grew up in a western Kansas town with three other siblings and has a great extended family that we love getting together with on a regular basis. Unfortunately tragedy struck Megan at an early age when she lost her mom to a vehicle accident when she was just 13 years old. Megan’s mom was a nurse and I suspect that is where she gets her gentle touch and patience. Megan has two of her aunts that live near us now and we are regulars at each others houses. Megan and I love babysitting for her cousins. Megan has a Sociology degree from Fort Hays University and has spent time as a re-integration specialist for children in the foster care system and is currently working with children who have behavioral problems due to trauma, neglect and abuse.
Megan has a drive like no one I have ever met, whether it be working around the house or in her work with the children. She is full of compassion, love, and empathy. I am constantly amazed by the size of her heart and at times I am humbled by it. She loves working with “her kids” at work, and always comes home with wonderful stories about how great they are and how much she looks forward to seeing them for their next appointment. I have seen the love that she has for the children she works with and I know that she will be an amazing mother.
Her drive continues when she gets home, whether she’s taking care of our three dogs or in the kitchen working on a delicious home cooked meal.
I have never met someone like Megan who has as much patience as her. With all that we have been through and with our infertility, she has never given up. Megan just holds her head high and moves on to the next step to bringing our family together as a whole.
Both of us feel very blessed to have close relationships with our families. Megan has a large extended family who are warm and welcoming. At Christmas time, her grandmother’s house is filled to the brim with aunts and uncles, cousins, second cousins and more! Megan also has two brothers and a sister, along with their spouses who can’t wait to be aunts and uncles.
Lance’s side of the family is smaller but filled with just as much love. His brother and sister are both married and have expressed how much love they will have for any child who joins our family. Lance’s family is very familiar with adoption as he has two cousins who were adopted at birth, and a cousin who adopted her son. We have been blessed to experience how open adoption can be a true act of love. Lance’s parents have also expressed that they cannot wait to have another grandchild.
Together we have nieces and nephews who we love to spend time with. We feel blessed to be able to spoil them at Christmas, and our family can’t wait to do the same for our future child.
Our Promise to You
Our hope for a child is that they will be able to claim all of us as theirs to love, and we will all be able to say that they are "ours". We promise to honor you as the first person to love our child. We will show our child respect for their story. And we will always be grateful for the choice to allow us to become parents.
We will work to teach our child empathy, respect, personal responsibility and tolerance. It is our hope that we can do this while also fostering a sense of independence and creativity.
Above all we promise to love and cherish our child.
Thank you for taking the time to learn more about us and our desires for the future. We look forward to meeting you soon!