Dear Expectant Parents,
Thank you for taking the time to check us out. We are Treva and Ricardo. As we cannot begin to understand what this moment in life must be like for you, we want to extend our heartfelt respect during this incredibly difficult time. We ourselves met later in life and as it turns out we are unable to have biological children. However, our hearts are destined to become parents and trust that adoption is the path leading us to our child.
Treva and Ricardo’s Journey
It was the summer of 2012 when Treva’s very good friends (Wendy & Shannon) decided it was time for her to get on Match.com. After a gathering at Panera to put together her profile, Ricardo would soon enter the picture. In fact, Wendy and Shannon still think they winked at him for Treva on that first night. The first date was in Kansas City on June 19th and we knew it was a good start after talking for four hours and forcing ourselves to leave. The two things that connected us the most are our love of family and travel. We moved in together in June 2013 and Ricardo dropped to one knee and asked Treva to marry him on Thanksgiving Day, November 28th
of 2013. This was after getting her parents’ and the family dog’s (Snickers) permission of course. Ricardo did not want to waste any time and we were married on August 9th
of 2014. It was a wonderful day that our friends and family still talk about. We started trying for children soon after but hit disappointment after disappointment, including three failed rounds of IUI. At that time we decided to make a decision, pursue IVF or adoption. We got a second opinion from a fertility specialist. Treva tried acupuncture for improved fertility. We thought long and hard on the decision and then it was ultimately made for us when Treva had to undergo a hysterectomy due to endometriosis and fibroid tumors. We grieved the finality of this and took time to heal. Then, the day came when we were ready to put ourselves and our hearts back on the path to our child.
Treva about Ricardo
Ricardo is the 2nd
of five sons. He was born and raised in Panama City, Panama where his parents, brothers, sisters-in-law, nieces and nephews still reside. For this reason, Ricardo has a love for the heat and humidity that I do not share (unless there is a beach or pool nearby). When Ricardo was young he would watch TV shows in English to help himself learn the language. Thanks to this and time in the U.S. as an adult, he is bilingual. Ricardo is very much dependable and responsible. He is the one family and friends turn to for guidance and support. He is loving, caring and never judges people. Ricardo comes from a transracial family in which his maternal grandmother is African American, maternal grandfather is Caucasian and paternal grandparents are Hispanic. Ricardo was also surrounded with diversity growing up in Panama because people came from all over the world to build the Panama Canal. Ricardo graduated college in Panama as a civil engineer before moving to the United States and now works for the railroad. On Saturday mornings or when the weather is just right, Ricardo can be found outside playing disc golf. He has taught himself to play guitar and has always enjoyed music. This comes naturally in his family as one brother has his own band. Ricardo is a gamer and loves Sci-Fi movies, but I usually make him find a different movie going partner for those. He likes to watch sports on TV or in person and play them when possible. Ricardo gets along with everyone and would do anything for others. He likes to help people out, whether it’s fixing a computer, babysitting a friend’s toddler or supporting them at an event. He is one of the best men I know and if I am lucky enough to have a daughter I would want her to find someone as wonderful as him or for our son to be as good of a man as he is.
Ricardo about Treva
From the beginning Treva was always so easy to be around and I wanted to know more about her. In November of 2013 when we took a road trip to Alabama to visit my cousin, followed by a stop in Georgia then on to Tennessee. We had a great time together and that trip sealed the deal. I had actually already bought the ring and asked Treva’s parents permission to marry her. So on Thanksgiving night, among her parents, brother and relatives, I went down on my knee and asked the BIG question. She said “yes” and I was the happiest man alive. Treva was raised in the country in a rural farming community. She is the oldest with one younger brother who is special needs. She participated in every activity imaginable including volleyball, basketball, track, softball, cheerleading, band (saxophone), choir, forensics, school play and 4-H. She actually had the Grand Champion Pig at the county fair one year. She was also the Valedictorian of her class, of 23 people. After high school she moved away for college where she joined a sorority (Alpha Chi Omega) and remains close friends with her sisters still after all these years. She then went on to graduate school and received her Masters in Social Work as she has always been a fighter for the underdog. She also knew she wanted to live overseas at some time in her life. Knowing no one, she moved to Japan and South Korea where she taught English to High School students for two years in each country. She met people from all over the world and always talks about this time in her life as one of the greatest experiences. Of course now, her hope is to one day have a pet sanctuary for animals. I can say many things about my wife but the main reason I married her is because I finally found a woman that was accomplished in life, personally and in her career. Treva is loving, kind and nurturing, qualities that would make her a great mom. She is also smart, funny, and incredibly resilient (she is a social worker after all) which I admire tremendously.
As mentioned before, we share a love of family. Family is always our priority, as we were both raised with this value and plan to raise our child this way as well. We spend holidays, special events and just ordinary weekends with our family. Ricardo talks to someone in his family in Panama nearly every day. We have also been very fortunate to have blended our families. Treva’s parents and brother have traveled to Panama to visit and meet all of Ricardo’s family and hosts his family whenever they visit the U.S. We were both blessed with parents that have loved, supported and encouraged us throughout our lives and look forward to the same for our child. Along with the families we were born into, we have the families we have chosen along the way. We are fortunate to have our lives filled with loving, intelligent, funny, supportive and diverse friends. This has also given us the opportunity to be around their children and watch them grow. We love going to their birthday parties, school plays, confirmations and sporting events. They look forward to doing the same with our child.
We share many of the values that were passed on to us from our parents and we wish to raise our child to be kind, compassionate and responsible. We believe it is our responsibility to demonstrate and set examples for our children of how to be in this world. We will encourage honesty, respect and kindness. Although we hope our child will be a positive member of society, we also want him/her to find their passion, joy and love in life. We will support and encourage our child to always be true to his/her self. And more than anything, we will always love them, show up for them and be in their corner.
So what does our life look like? We are both professionals but believe there is much more to life than just your job. We love spending time with our dog, Rosie, and taking her for walks or to the dog park. We always eat dinner together and believe in making our marriage and our family a priority. We love to spend time with our friends and family whenever we have the opportunity, whether it’s celebrating a special occasion or just a BBQ at our house in the back yard. We go to sporting events, cooking classes and even dabbled in painting despite Treva’s artistic difficulties. We are hoping to take dancing classes (salsa) together and often go listen to our friends perform live music. Travel is a big part of our lives and we look forward to exploring the world and all the adventures that life holds with our child. We visit Ricardo’s family in Panama as often as possible and take a couple trips every year. Some of our favorite destinations have included Hawaii, Colorado, the Grand Canyon and Florida. We have also visited Iceland, England and Ireland. Of course we will adapt to life as parents and his/her health and happiness will always be our top priority. We look forward to playing with our kids in the yard or checking out a new park. We want to give them opportunities to try new things such as music, art, theater, sports, and reading to see what sparks their interest. We want to teach them to swim, take them camping, play putt-putt golf and sign them up for overnight camp. Holidays are always spent with family, here or in Panama. We look forward to celebrating birthdays and milestones along the way. With Ricardo being bi-lingual, plan to teach our child Spanish as well, so that he/she has even more doors of possibility open to them.
Our Thoughts on Open Adoption
Through open adoption we believe that a child will have a solid familial foundation from which to grow and discover themselves. No child can be loved by too many people and providing that connection and openness with you is a very important part. We are open to sharing photos, phone calls and visits if you desire. We want to respect you and your needs now and in the future. Treva has some experience with adoption in that her best friend was adopted, along with three of her cousins. Another one of Treva’s close friends also adopted a child through open adoption. It has been a wonderful experience to watch their family grow and gives our hearts hope. Thank you for taking the time to read our letter and for considering us. We know you will make the best decision for you and your baby, and whatever that is, we wish you all the best.
Treva & Ricardo